Chileans love dogs, not so much as pets as we Europeans do, but more as guard dogs. They are kept outside and can run around freely in the garden or backyard. And they bark. Preferably at night. A lot. Across the street, our neighbour’s most recent acquisition last year was a sweet puppy we befriended quickly. Now it is a big brown beast locked away out of sight in the backyard, with a deep and loud voice that penetrates walls and windows alike. Last night at something like 2:45 he started again, barked himself into a mad fury and did not stop anymore. He barked so madly, WOUFWOUFWOUF, that after 20 minutes even our neighbour’s car alarm went off, UIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUI, which our neighbour turned off from within his bedroom with the remote key, three quick WUITWUITWUIT. The dog continues WOUFWOUFWOUF, car alarm goes off, is switched off again, for about another ten minutes. Then, instead of having a bright moment and going outside and calming his mad down (or shutting him up), our neighbour decides to repeatedly lock and unlock his car remotely, to distract his stupid dog. The car alarm correspondingly answers with a quick warning, MEPMEP, or a friendly BIPBIPBIP, being activated and deactivated. Dog continues even more madly, WAOUFWAOUFWAOUF (bold face, 60pt fonts).
By now it is about 3:10, we are widely awake, and so are the two dogs of our other two neighbours on our side of the street. Not big dogs, but those tiny creatures with unnerving voices: WIF-WIF-WIF-WIF coming from across the wall to the right, and ‘ARF’ARF’ARF’ARF from across the rear wall. WOUFWOUFWOUF from the other side of the street, together with howling UIUIUIUIUIUIUI, WUITWUIT, and QUICKQUOCK, QUOCKQUICK car noises. That’s it, we had enough, can’t take anymore. Karianne hasn’t been sleeping well for a long time being sucker-punched by our wild yet unborn baby, I’m still somewhat sleep deprived from my last night shift up the mountain, and we have been pretty stressed out with work and our upcoming move to a new house and baby stuff in general. I fill two buckets with 8-10 liters of cold water and step outside. One bucket stays at the door, the other one I carry across the street where the mad WOUFWOUFWOUF is coming from, answered by another loud WOWOWOWOW from yet another dog. I can’t throw the water at the first dog as he is hidden out of sight. I yell two loud bad spanish swear words (which I am not going to repeat here) at my neighbour’s dog (and his owner’s bedroom window, who is still busy to switch on/off his car alarm to calm down his dog which makes the dog even madder). Then I walk around the corner to throw the water at the other stupid idiot WOWOWOW dog.
I haven’t even made 10 steps when a Pickup full with three kids and several more grown-ups stops across the other side of the streets and asks me for directions. At 3:xx in the morning. I step towards the driver’s door, with my flip-flops, a bucket of water, and probably a pretty stupid face. The driver does not seem to think that anything about this situation seems very odd or unnatural, and waves a piece of paper at me. It has a road name scribbled on it, a square and arrow pointing at the square drawn on it. Nothing else. My tired brain tries to make sense of it (actually, of everything), while all the mad barking is still going on, and the driver is waving with both arms and pointing in all directions. About a minute later a Taxi driver comes from the other direction out of nowhere, says through the open window without being asked that “he found it”, and speeds off, followed by the pickup. I’m left alone again, surrounded by barking, in the middle of the night, with a bucket of water, thinking I’m in the wrong movie.
The other dog I wanted to throw the water at proves to be beyond reach as well, so I go back home into our backyard, step onto our bench and peep across the wall where the ‘ARF’ARF’ARF’ARF is coming from. The dog sees my head, goes ‘ARF’ARF’ARF’ARF twice as loud and twice as fast and with more vigor. Then suddenly, with every second ‘ARF, he makes a few steps backwards, obviously remembering that Karianne has thrown a glass of water at him before. I can’t toss 8 liters of water 20 meters wide, so I step down from the bench and hide again behind the wall. The barking comes nearer quickly, I step back onto the bench and throw all the water at that little bastard. Most of it misses, but he’s getting a good share. Scared by suddenly being soaked and the loud splash of the water he runs away, whining AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY. That feels GOOOOOD!!! I want more!! I am grabbing the other bucket of water to deal with the even more annoying WIF-WIF-WIF-WIF across the other wall, but he is out of sight. I go back to see whether the already wet dog is in for another share, but now my neighbour is outside looking at me in wonder. He says something I don’t understand and I disappear again, going back to bed, yelling once more at our neighbour (and his dog) across the street to shut the %$§” up.
10 minutes later, back in bed, the search light of a very bright torch pierces through our living room right into our bedroom, like a robber looking for prey. Apparently our neighbour, whose dog I made wet, climbed a ladder and shines his torch into our backyard!! What’s going on now?? Turned out it wasn’t our neighbour but a security or police officer, whom our neighbor called. Apparently, when he saw my head for a second while saying that sentence I did not understand, he must have figured I was a robber emptying our house, and called the police (which is nice of him). The officer was very friendly, and things got sorted out quickly.
The night was gone. Karianne went watching a movie at 4 in the morning and came back to bed at 6.
Today, two days later, I checked whether the stupid little dog learnt his lesson. I stick my head over the wall, he (or she) sees me, I say “Yes, you! Remember me?”. The eyes go wide, the tail goes between the legs, and off he ran as far away as he could whining loudly. Obviously he did remember his lesson. Now, if could only get hold of that big dog…
Our water buckets are filled!